My husband and I teamed up with a courageous group of leaders to serve twelve, thirteen, and fourteen-year-olds at our church. People often tell me, “I could never work with middle schoolers.” But I have found it easy. The tweens and teens in our youth group struggle with a lot of the same things my kids struggle with (and the same things I struggled with when I was their age). However, the most common problem I hear about from both the kids (and their concerned parents) is the struggle to make friends.
In a world filled with billions of people, no one should be lonely. And yet, we are. I’m continually fascinated with the large group dynamic on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings. The uniqueness of each child entrusted to our ministry is vast. I love every kid’s quirks, talents, and personality. No one should have to change who they are to make friends. However, as we all know, some are naturally better at making friends and others find making friends hard.
For those who make friends easily—I have entitled them as a Groupie, Gatherer, or Grower.
Gravitator: Okay, I may have made this word up for the sake of alliteration, but people who are “gravitators” usually gravitate to the same key person or group. They may all have been friends for-ev-er, or a central person possesses a magnetic personality that people gather around. Gravitators are happy to be in the circle and work hard to not cause turbulence. They are okay with new people being in the group, but they won’t risk leaving the safety of the circle.
Gatherer: These people may already be in a group, but they notice those who are not and gather them up to join their group and will make the circle wider. Or, they gather up the stragglers and form a new group. They notice others and don’t want anyone to be alone. However, they still want to stay in a group of some nature and won’t venture off for long.
Grower: These people notice someone alone and go to them. If they are in a group, they disengage from the group and invite the person to join them. However, if the lone person declines the invitation, the Grower will sit/stand and get to know them. They are open to others joining their two-person group, but they are perfectly content to stay in a one-on-one situation. They often find a similarity with another person who is in a group and invite the similar person over to join in the conversation. If the lone person is eventually comfortable joining a larger
group, they might do that. Otherwise, they stay as they are. The lone person’s comfort is of utmost importance.
Now, this list isn’t exhaustive—and a person may fluctuate from week to week in which role they will play each time we meet as a large group. But can you picture your k
ids in a large group situation? Where do they fit?
We have had the joy of serving alongside our three teenagers over the years. They all are outgoing young men, but they are very content to find their usual group of friends and hang with them. We have been challenging them to be Gatherers and Growers.
Of course, anytime I teach my children social life skills, I’m convicted of my shortcomings. I, too, am working to be more of a Gatherer and Grower as an adult. I’m reminded of the recent friendly actions of a fellow writer that blessed me immensely. I was attending the ACFW Virginia Royal Writers conference as I was a finalist in their Crown Awards contest for unpublished writers in the Young Adult category. I didn’t know a soul there, and I was praying to find a friend. God answered that prayer with Candice Pedraza Yamnitz (the author of Unbetrothed).
Candice reached out, followed up, and helped me get more engaged with American Christian Fiction Writers. She is the epitome of a Gatherer and Grower! Before I knew it, I was a member of the Storyteller Squad. I may have given up on my dream of being a writer if it hadn’t been for her.
So, whether you are a parent of teens or just engaging in your normal adult activities, I encourage everyone to work on being a Gatherer and Grower of friendships. Keep your friend circle wide to welcome fresh faces. Gather and grow and be a blessing.
How can I support you on your writing journey? Please reach out and let me know. Writing can be a lonely venture—it is better done with friends.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 15:5
P.S. Check out the ACFW Crown Awards for unpublished Christian writers at: https://acfwvirginia.com/acfw-virginia-the-crown
*Originally posted on www.storytellersquad.com